I love you
by Shinexa
Summary: The five times she wanted to say it - and the one time she did. A retelling of the B&W story. NxFemale player character, Ferriswheelshipping


**A/N: This is a retelling of the story of Pokemon Black and White, from the point of view of the female player character, known as White here (she's also known as Touko or Hilda). Spoilers for the game, of course.**

**I wrote this before the games came out in English (which was yesterday or something, wasn't it?) so the city names are in Japanese. I may or may not change them later.. :P**

**This is written in a weird tense, and I'm not sure if it makes a whole lot of sense..**

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(1)

Her mind's still reeling from some stupid speech that some random green-haired guy with an eyepatch had given to the entire town. He was talking complete rubbish, but the townspeople were actually believing him.

She turns away in a rage, and finds herself face to face with someone she's never seen before. Her first thought is that he's related to the other man – his hair is the exact same shade. But then she looks at his face properly, and she doesn't know it yet, but she's already gone, fallen.

She just can't ignore his conflicted eyes and his amazing hair and his easy confidence that's covering up something else, mysteries that she wants to know.

He doesn't say much, but she finds herself melting in his voice. Then he's challenging her to a battle, and she's thankful for the chance to clear her head. She doesn't even know the guy's name – why is she already so infatuated with him?

There's only three words that are running through her mind. _I love you. _She can't say them, of course, it's the first time she's even seen the guy. She doesn't care, though, because she knows her feelings are real. All she wants is to talk to him so he can tell her about his secrets, because it's obvious he has so many.

But she can tell from one look at his eyes that he'd never tell just anyone.

So she watches him leave silently, but she's not afraid, because she knows she'll see him again.

(2)

The second time she meets him, it's a few weeks later. She's got her first badge and her journey's going really well.

Of course, once she catches sight of his tea green locks, everything is wiped from her mind and he's all she can think about.

He starts talking about freeing Pokemon from humans and all that. He's starting to sound suspiciously like the guy from Karakusa Town, but White honestly doesn't care.

She thinks – no, she knows – he 's crazy, but she doesn't care. His eyes are so mesmerizing. And he speaks with such conviction and belief, it's hard to disagree with him.

He goes on about summoning an ancient legendary Pokemon. Usually, White would just laugh at anyone who said that, but something tells her that the strange green haired teenager could actually manage it.

He challenges her to a battle again, and when he sends out his Pokemon, she notices how he talks to them like friends, and how he seems to care so genuinely about them. It's weird, because she hadn't thought that he'd be that sort of person; but as she watches him, it slowly dawns on her how beautiful his heart really is.

Then he looks up and the happiness is suddenly gone from his eyes, replaced with his usual look of something like confusion, and White vows that one day, she'll be the one to make him smile like that.

She realises how much she really is in love with him. They've hardly ever talked, and there's so many unspoken things that they want to say to eachother – but she thinks that she can sum them all up in three words.

(3)

And then everything changes. They're in Raimon City, and he offers to help her, and of course she accepts. She follows him without a second thought, because she really can't think when he's around.

They're on the ferris wheel, and it's only at times like this that he seems so open and so vulnerable. He looks at her like he can't figure her out, which he can't, and even though he looks so open, she can't figure out anything about him either.

Then he's speaking and White listens with all her heart, but the words aren't what she wanted to hear, they're nowhere near what she wanted to hear.

Her mind's reeling now. He can't be the king of that stupid team always chasing her around, he just can't.

Oh, but he is, and for the first time, her mind's clear when she looks at him, and she feels a jolt of hate pulse through her.

He looks almost scared now, so confused, but she's just trying to get her mind around the fact that he betrayed her. How could he?

When he asks her to battle, she accepts coldly and she relishes her defeat of him. But then he challenges her to beat him when he becomes champion. And despite herself, she can't stop herself accepting. She knows that she can't go without seeing him again.

He walks away with those stupid grunts following him, and she's so confused. He just betrayed her trust in him, but her heart still flutters when he takes one glance back at her, a challenging look. She wants, for a second, to call out to him and tell him to come back, and that she loves him, _she loves him_, but then her pride takes over again and she walks in the opposite direction, vowing to defeat him once and for all.

(4)

And then all of a sudden they're on top of Dragon Spiral Tower and there's a huge white legendary dragon there, he summoned it, and despite herself, White doesn't really feel surprised when she sees that he managed it.

He looks so strong and powerful, with the legendary Pokemon behind him, but all White wants is for him to realise his wrongs. Because he's still so young and confused, and so vulnerable, and she doesn't want him to get hurt.

_You've made a mistake,_ she wants to tell him, but her mouth's gone dry and she can't find the words inside her, because she knows that if she does speak that's not what she'll say; she'll speak her true mind. Because every time she sees him, she just falls further and further, and she knows she's gone too far to ever turn back.

So he flies away on that dragon and she remains silent, scolding herself in her head for not saying anything, and as she walks away, she can think of nothing but his tea green eyes.

(5)

Now she's beaten the Elite Four and she knows it's time to face him again in battle, a battle which could change everything.

She walks through the halls of the great castle with a heaviness in her heart, and she pushes onwards not because she wants to, but because she has to. The responsibility has been placed on her shoulders and so she's got to fulfill it.

It's a strange feeling, she thinks, knowing that N grew up here, spent all his time here with no one but Pokemon at his side. She feels, not for the first time, a sense of pity for him.

She turns a corner and sees a door in front of her, opens it, and freezes, because she knows whose room it is right away.

There's countless toys scattered on the floor, train sets and basketballs and music boxes, and that's when she realises just how screwed up his life really was.

She hears a sound behind her and turns around, and then he's there, and she hates herself for it but suddenly there are tears running down her face, and then his arms are around her; he's so warm, she thinks.

He strokes her hair and she buries her face in his chest and forgets about everything, all her worries gone just for the moment; a moment which she hopes will last forever.

_I love you, _she screams at him in her head, but she can't bring herself to speak anymore.

"You... mean a lot to me, White," he whispers. "I hope you know that."

Nothing can last forever, though, and the fairytale moment shatters, and he leaves the room, his last words lingering on the air.

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(1)

Sure enough, he's there, looking just as he always has, with guarded eyes that hid something like confusion deep within him. It's like the moment in the castle between them never happened.

White just wants him to wrap his arms around her again, but as if that would ever happen now, she thinks. He's beaten the Champion and summoned a legendary Pokemon, and if he's allowed to continue, the whole Unova region will collapse.

So she pushes away her thoughts, her feelings for him to the back of her mind, and tries to focus on what she has to do.

And then everything happens so quickly, and all of a sudden there's Zekrom standing behind her, facing off against N's Reshiram, and the green haired teenager looks at her with so much emotion in his eyes, and challenges her to a battle.

White pours everything she has into the battle, because it's her responsibility to defeat him and show him what's right. She really doesn't want to beat him, but of course she does.

He's just standing there, defeated, and then his father comes into the room, and he's shouting at N, and White feels an overwhelming urge to protect the oh so vulnerable loking teeenager. She uses the feeling to easily defeat N's father, and then it's all over; she's won against them both, she's tamed an ancient legendary Pokemon, she's saved the whole country.

So why doesn't she feel victorious at all?

Then N takes a few steps forwards, and she looks up into his green eyes, and shivers of warmth flutter through her. Her hands are on his chest, and her voice is just a whisper.

"N, I..."

"Shhhh," he murmurs, and places a finger to her lips, and there's sadness in his eyes.

She pushes his hand away. "I love you, N."

He seems to freeze, a thousand different emotions flickering across his clear green eyes.

Then, after an eternity, he speaks, and they're the words White knew she'd hear all along.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. I have to... find the answers, White. I have to understand."

She had expected it, but that doesn't stop her heart from shattering into pieces.

He wraps his arm around her shoulders, and kisses her once, on the lips. And then, with a flash of tea green and the roar of the dragon, he's gone, nothing more than a speck on the horizon.

And she's left there, standing in the ruined room with the wind blowing through the demolished wall, alone.

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**Thoughts?**


End file.
